Say Yes to the Dress..

  Cheesy I know... sometimes I think weddings are cheesy. I have fought hard to secure a non-cheesy wedding. We eliminated the unity candle, the sit down dinner, the big church, the traditional hall, the tuxedos, the gigantic wedding party, and most importantly..the Dress!
The one area I never thought I would care about or relate to other brides on is that one little detail...So let's see how far back do I want to go with this story? Back to when I would draw my wedding dress with my best friend Rachael? How it use to involve fairy wings? No maybe not that far..

 I bought my wedding dress back  in May. Jack and I were engaged and I was beyond excited. What Bride isn't? Finding the dress seemed like something that for me personally would seal the deal. Make the wedding more official, besides my beautiful ring, knowing what dress I would wear in my mind would make the wedding more tangible. So not to say that the vibe was wrong when I bought the dress, just as I look back on it I do have to ask myself what were my intentions? Desire for a dress, desire to imagine myself as a bride, which let's be honest I still have a hard time picturing.

  I did spend some time pondering dresses. I always had the mindset that it is NOT about the dress. I never wanted lace, sparkle, taffeta, corsets, guarder belts, haring bone, or straps. To me most brides look like wedding cakes. They look like an expectation at the alter..how they think they should look not who they actually are. People tell them "Oh he will just love this dress," but I always wonder why should he care? Will he remember the dress? Can't he just remember you? Yes you (the bride) should feel special, this is a special occasion, but I never wanted to loose myself.

  The dress process was to me a combination of two things;  simplicity a rebellion against wedding cake dresses, and tradition why exactly we get married in the first place. The dress I chose met those needs. It was purchased with a clear conscience and taken home where it remained in my closet until my first fitting on December 18th..

 From time to time I pulled the dress out of my closet and tried it on, always feeling I made the right decision. Yes the dress was a little big, I did loose another 30 pounds since May, but that was what the first fitting was for working all that out. Making sure this dress showed off who I was on the day our wedding..

 How exciting to lay all my fears to rest. The dress would finally fit and  a bustle would be chosen so I could walk in it..I got dressed and came out for Lisa (official seamstress and integral part of this story) to start taking measurements. The first words out her mouth were "Oh this dress is way to big for you honey." Mind you I purchased a size 12 hoping it could be altered into a size 10..I tried on a size 10 at one point, but thought it was a little tight..little did I know!

 So Lisa suggested I try on the size 10 and ran to get the dress. The size 10 didn't fit too BIG!! Lisa then suggests a size 8..whoa Lisa I can't even fathom a size 8! Lisa assured me that the size 8 is what I needed, but there maybe a chance my dress wasn't in stock in the 8 and I may have to try on another dress just to make sure. Lisa came back with the size 8 random other dress. I slipped it on and with a little help from Lisa with the zipper..it fit!

 Let me try to describe the next chain of events with as much emotional detail as I can.. I was in the dressing stall trying on the size 8, and I was coming out into the main dressing area for my mom and Liv to see the dress, everything was a little blurry. I was already overwhelmed that I fit a size 8 and there was a chance I would have to wait for my dress to be shipped in that size, but more importantly I really looked good in this new dress.. I looked actually freaking amazing in this dress!! Not only did I notice it, but my mother did as well. I believe she was the one who actually said out loud "I really like that dress." Lisa and my mother immediately saw my glow which took a couple minutes for me to notice. Lisa then told us that if we wanted to explore more size 8 dresses that she would grab a bridal consultant and we could start looking. Wait what?! I'm looking at other dresses? Wasn't I here for the fitting of the dress I was walking down the isle in? What did it for me, was when my mother said "I thought you would've bought something with lace," the whole mother/ daughter moments of this process had been lost with the original dress. I was so adamant about avoiding dresses that I avoided the involvement of my mother. Granted my mother is very good about giving me space in my decisions and would never insist on anything I should wear. But her opinion does mean a lot to me and my heart immediately melted when I saw her get excited about the possibility of a different dress.

 So off to the main bridal floor we went. Trying on size 8 dresses. The new bridal consultant (I don't remember her name because I was in a fog) came to my aid trying to find me new dresses. Most of them weren't better then the one I bought, and one was great, but the price tag wasn't. Finally a completely different dress was presented. The tag was right  and it was beautiful. I looked beautiful in it. My mother loved it! But.. I'm standing there and it started to settle in. I was a wedding cake. I was wearing a dress that became an expectation, and slowly starring at the mirror I lost myself. The pressure started to come down on me, but a little voice in my head was able to scream loud enough to say "Try on the dress that started all this..try on the size 8!!"  I asked my mom if I could try on the original dress that started this whole thing. I put it on and the glow came back. Yes this was completely different then what was going on in May, which was hard for me to let go. But there I found myself again. The bridal consultant said "This is the first time I heard you say I love this dress." I didn't even know the words came out of mouth, but they did. The one thing I missed out on the first time was happening, I had a tingling in my toes, I felt special, beautiful and myself all at the same time.

 I exchanged the first dress, for the size 8! I got rid of the dress that was a rebellion on brides and bought a dress that represented me on my wedding day. It's not that I don't like the dress I bought originally..but this dress represents me more. It represents everything I stand for in my daily life; thinking outside the box, letting go of expectations, but keeping what I hold sacred in my heart on my wedding day. Plus let's it admit it, I love that I shocked everyone even myself, by buying something else!

 The size 8 needs no alterations. Maybe a steam press before the big day, but that's it. The best part is no one knows what the new dress looks like. Nobody knows what I am going to look like except my mom, Liv and me. I love having that secret between us, and I'm grateful I had the chance to have two completely different experiences looking for a dress. I don't regret what I did in May, just what I did on my birthday was special in its own way..

 So now I can breathe. While I'm not there yet with feeling like a bride. I do however feel like I'm holding true to my original intentions of this wedding. Meaningful, elegant, fun, and a display of two people who love each committing to each other whole hearted...as is!!

Happy Birthday to Me!! Abbreviated version..

  This is the abbreviated version of my birthday. More details to follow.. promise!!

When I woke up I knew it was going to be a good day.. To start I did my morning weigh in (obsessive weird moment for another time) and noticed that I meant another little goal. When I renewed my driver's license, I stretched the truth a little.. and kept my weight the same. It wasn't a far fetched idea and I decided that by my birthday I would reach that goal. Well even though it didn't last long (I was that weight pre-brunch and birthday dinner) I did in fact reach my goal! Happy Birthday to the Goddess!!

 Liv picked out an awesome Christmas pin for my coat, I received some awesome housewares for the Trio's new pad, Apples to Apples (official Holiday favorite) and...a new coach wallet courtesy of my main squeeze!   Jack and my two friends took me to Fahrenheit for dinner. Great food, tasty drinks, and fantastic services! A definite recommendation for a great date night meal :) After dinner we joined in a Christmas party and then headed home. A fantastic time was had by all.

Holidays A Go-Go: The Advant

  Last year I decided to do the Advent with Liv. It didn't go as well as I anticipated, mainly because Liv wasn't ready. This year my mother bought us an Advent calendar and we decided to give it another go. So far it has been a lot of fun! Liv is totally into Christmas and the wonderful activities it includes. While we haven't exactly tackled everything on the day it was suppose to happen, or even accomplished everything. We remained enthusiastic this whole month. Having the calendar allowed us to stay mindful of the meaning of Christmas, explaining to Olivia why we celebrate and that it is not all about presents..

  I have definitely committed myself to making memories with my children. I hope that she won't remember what she got on the day of, but what she received leading up to Christmas and the traditions she was a part of.

Ecological Blog..

 

I did become disillusioned with my old blog. I think mainly because it didn't really have a purpose. I was too busy trying to document everything going in my life that I kind of felt like it was a hodgepodge of all kinds of things and I couldn't keep track. However the original purpose of writing a blog was to create an outlet for me to process things going on in my life. So with that I decided to have another go at this thing. First I'm going to offer my mission statement and present a whole new framework for this thing..

 Mission Statement

Social Ecological Perspective, is a framework to examine the multiple effects and interrelatedness of social elements in an environment.  Provides a theoretical framework to analyze various contexts in multiple types of research and in conflict communication. Social ecology is the study of people in an environment and the influences on one another. This model allows for the integration of multiple levels and contexts to establish the big picture in conflict communication. Research that focuses on any one level underestimates the effects of other contexts. SEM is primarily a qualitative research model to conduct field observations; however, it has and can also be utilized in experimental settings.


 Always a social worker..Social ecological model is the framework for this blog!  This is my opportunity to talk about how I interact with my environment. My outlet to discuss feelings, opinions, and reactions. My intention will only be to discuss how different situations, people, and places effect me. I will not present this blog as a forum for gossip and criticism. My writing is my journal, my chance to share with you all my life.

  The reason I chose a new title is because I didn't want to talk about Jack and Liv anymore. I no longer desired to run through everyone else opinions and life. I've heard that blogs tend to be narcissistic anyways..so why not just make it about me. Of course the Trio is still important and of course I will be talk about becoming a wife, being a mother, and how we all come together, but as I said in the mission statement, it will be all about how I interact with my environment.

  So here we go! Thanks for reading :)

Holiday Pictures!

Cooking Frenzy: My mission to stop Hunger!

 I have been away..again..

  So on my on going mission to loose weight, I've discovered (or finally admitted to) this little habit I have of binging in the afternoon, or worse binge eating when I'm home all day. Which these past couple days I've fell victim to both. So instead of constantly feeling guilty I decided to try lining up tasty go to's for myself. First I started with making me a veggie soup. It's pretty good and packed full of nutrition. Then I tackled my sweet tooth! I made Fizzy cupcakes w/ chocolate moose frosting, I believe that they are 3pts a piece if I were doing weight watchers. They're very tasty! Anyways.. I'm hoping these things won't add up to unwanted weight gain! Check it out!

First Trip of Summer '10: Ithaca NY

I so needed a weekend away! Everything in the CLE has been hectic and overwhelming. Packing up a rental car and heading out of town was just what I needed. Ithaca is where both my parents lived. My father attended college there and my mother's family relocated there from Long Island NY. My brother and I spent the better the part of our youth there and I really had a desire to go back as an adult. It was great to take Jack and Liv to Ithaca Fest, and go by all our family houses. Best of all the family paid a visit to my grandfather.

Yes there were some trials along the way.. Liv was diagnosed with a bladder infection the day we were supposed to leave, which definitely made her cranky. Plus I'm starting to believe she is in a whole defiant "I do what I want" phase in general! We are struggling with this kid and all her moods!

 I had a great time with my crew and look forward to our next adventure!

Twilight

  So last year aganist the wishes of my "hipster" friends, I ran out and not only saw New Moon(twice), but also grabbed the soundtrack.. I loved it! Everyone from Likki Lee to Black Rebel Motorcycle Club made an apprearnce and the music is really good.

 However, many people dog the fact that all this underground/ not popular acts are selling out because they gave their music to Twilight. Last year I was torn. I loved Twilight(another blog entry) and loved the soundtrack, but understood the pain of having your band be everyone else band...I understand completely!

 News today, Black Keys are on the new Twilight soundtrack.. Once again I'm torn. Should I be excited that my favorite band is getting some cred? Or upset that they are selling out? I may need to reflect and come back to this subject. For right now check out the twilight soundtrack.

Memorial Day Weekend Photos!

Thanks to Joy Crabb as family photographer!

A Mother's Love

  While I am over here in the CLE getting excited about wedding plans, house hunting, and taking Liv to swim lessons, I am reminded of the many mothers who are busy figuring out dietary issues, blood work results, making Doctors family members, and laying awake at night wondering if they did all they could do.

 I do believe a mother's love for her children is the symbolic love God has for everyone on this earth. A mother's love does not fade away, does not change with seasons, nor waiver when their child has done something wrong. It is an undying love that cannot even be questioned. No one can ever fathom the depths of their soul and their passion for another human being until they see their child for the first time...

 I say this and encourage everyone to think about other mothers and their challenges. Today my thoughts are with Jonah Check out his blog and help raise awareness!

 Peace and Prayers!

House Hunters

  After Peninsula, Gayle left for dinner with her family, while Jack and I headed out to look at our first house! This was a daunting event! I made the mistake of telling the realtor that we were first time home buyers... Mistake! We sat through an hour and half of info on why we should use her as a realtor and how to buy our first home. Granted I am thankful for the detailed book (which I affectionately call the manual), but Jack and I both felt overwhelmed by the idea of immediately being locked into buying a home with a realtor. The house was nice. I wanted to love the house! The home had a great yard, awesome kitchen and finished basement, but my main issue was the excessive amount of built-ins! Built-in cabinets everywhere, to the point where it took away from the actual space of the room..bummer!

  We are not discouraged, but are definitely gaining more perspective on what is actually involved with buying a home. We are continuing on the path of least resistance and hoping that God will tell us exactly where we need to be!

Bridesmaid Love!

  It's weekends like this past one that reminds me how blessed I am! Gayle came into town on Friday and we had a blast! Liv and I took her down to Peninsula for lunch and a tour of the town! Showed her the church and was even able to show her the inside of GAR Hall! Thanks to the awesome repair man Mike who gladly give us a tour!

 Saturday morning my mom, Gayle, Liv and I all headed over to the bridal shop! Gayle fell in love with the same dress Rachael tried on! I will reveal the bridesmaids attire, but am doing my best to not say a thing about my dress or what I am wearing!

  So the official line-up for my side is:
  Maid of Honor: Gayle
  Bridesmaid: Rachael
  Bridesmaid: Andrea

  I am so excited to go through this process with those three fantastic gals!

Check This Out

Busy making wedding plans, attending classes, vacations etc! Will try to keep you posted not only with my own reflections, but with pictures too. For now check out the beginnings of  wedding website!

Quick Thought on BP

  I had an awesome evening last night dancing my booty off with my friends at this year's Hessler Street Fair! Carlos Jones closed the concert portion, which is tradition and has been awesome every year! This year he mentioned that he would be  protesting BP until they cleaned up the oil in the Gulf. I at first agreed with him. We shouldn't tolerate poor business judgements anymore and give money to people who claim to be environmentally friendly...

 The more I thought about this though, the more I started to remember all the employees at BP. If such a strike was established, to the point where employees were being laid off in response..where would that put us as a community? So I'm thinking twice about BP yes I will not frequent BP stations(I don't really anyway)  but may not completely go on strike against them, at the risk of creating an even larger problem. I would love to hear more thoughts about this and what could be done to at least have funding and energy go towards getting the oil out of the gulf!

Calm Down!

   Whenever something fantastic happens, I get a little overwhelmed.. I become obsessed and go through it over and over in my head. It doesn't happen all the time, but I do tend to look for ways to break up the monotony. Like when I found out the Black Keys were playing a secret show at the Beachland Ballroom, and I made my brother leave class to stand in line with me, Liv, and Sam(little boy I was watching at the time) for two hours to get arm bands..which I then in turn gave to Jack..who at the time I was trying to impress :)

 So my wedding is turning out to be no different. I keep hoping that things will calm down. I will not be looking at wedding dresses, flowers, cakes, invites, guest list, catering, music etc. It doesn't help that there seems to be an endless amount of people who are willing to be excited along with me. This however is also a worry because everyone I'm talking to, isn't necessarily invited!

 I worry that this isn't proper etiquette to be going on and on like this. I also worry that my loose lips are upsetting to Jack, who doesn't like to display our business all over Ohio. This is something I need to respect and really work on.  So instead of going on and on, on Facebook. I just try to keep people posted on new developments, but not express every detail in great detail to everyone! I will pray that God not only keeps me on the path of least Resistance, but also calms my heart and my mouth!

 So I did mention over there at FB that I never thought I would be getting married in Akron. I attended school there and lived there for a brief stint.. Meant some nice people, but over all thought the town was..crummy, poor, deviant, crazy, and run down are all words that come to mind when describing Ol' Akron. I believe I've said in the past "Eek I would never get married in Akron."

 Never say never.. Last summer Jack, Liv and I took a day trip on the Cuyahoga Scenic Railroad down to the Akron Peninsula. It was a great trip! The train ride was amazing and there is also a bike path that you can ride and take the train back. Fantastic trip which I highly recommend. Due to this trip I had somewhat I've an idea of what Akron Peninsula looks like and it in no way is connected to the sues pool of Akron proper.

 I tell that story to tell this story, so over the past two weeks my mom and I have been looking at potential venues for the wedding. I'm pretty against halls, which I discovered because I was looking at so many of them. I didn't like the drop ceilings, poor lighting, no windows, and uniformity. The halls I did like, were extremely expensive for example, windows on the river is beautiful, but very expensive. I also started to realize what kind of wedding I wanted, by seeing what I didn't want.

 Couple years ago, my mother saved a Country Living Magazine with a "rural wedding" in it. It wasn't a hoedown, but a quiet beautiful wedding, filled with local food, homemade items, and a handsome groom in a tan suit.  I loved it and saved the magazine. So when it came time for my actual wedding, I tapped into those images. So I guess I want a rural wedding..

 So we looked at the botzum farm as mentioned in previous posts.. I wasn't thrilled, but wanted to be because I thought botzum was beautiful and would be the prefect landscape for our day. The more my mom and I discussed it, the more discouraged I was. We would have to literally do everything ourselves and if it was a rainy day the shelter would be inadequate. I gave up. Maybe Jack and I should get married at the Justice of the peace and have a nice dinner. Or so I thought!

 One  the way home from Peninsula, Liv dropped her toy in the back seat. I already irritable and disappointed asked my mom to pull over so I can get Liv's toy. She pulled into a drive way. As I was getting situated I noticed a sign. "GAR" we do weddings, call this number. My mother noticed it too and suggested I write it down. I did begrudgingly, figuring another place that wants way too much money..

 I went to bed discouraged. The next morning I called the number for Garhall and spoke to the lady. The clouds parted! Beautiful hall, tables, chairs, linens included, and all within our budget! The more I thought about it, the more I discussed it with Jack and my parents, the more I loved it! Still love it! Everything I've been thinking about is all right there. Amazing place and right now shaping up to be exactly where we need to be!

 I could see Jack get excited about it too, which made me even more excited. While we're still figuring out a date, we are so excited to have our wedding in this amazing little town. I am encouraged, not irritable and everything is starting to feel right again!

 One more thing, I have showed the "new" dress to my mom and a friend, but I don't think I will advertise it to anyone else. Maybe my maid of honor, but that's it. I've decided that my over all look will be kept secret. The challenge of my life!

Think We Got It!

Can't talk long, but check out the venue! I think this is it!

Wedding Brain

 Jack and I have been engaged for about two weeks now.. Couple days after Jack proposed he left for a week to Florida for a conference and to attend his brother's wedding..

  STOP HERE : if you would like to read my thoughts and reflections on Ben's wedding..
 Meanwhile I'm swimming in a ocean of it all! Who to invite, who will cater, where are we getting married? I'm trying so hard to be mellow about the whole thing, but the more I think about it the more I see the horns starting to grow from head! I do deep down just want a relaxed wedding. Good food, great friends, and dancing the night away. Decor I always figured would magically come together.. I guess I've been in lala land..

 Right now we're just trying to find the right venue, and praying to Baby Jesus that everything will flow from there.. Yesterday we checked out college club. It's beautiful! An old house with a fire place, hardwood floors and tons of character! It's not a hall (which I know I don't want) and also is completely convienent for Jack and me. Basically walking distance for both of us. If we want to keep it local this place would be great!

 Like anything else I don't want to fall in love with the first thing I see. I've been doing a lot of looking online, and also kept  this vision of a farm wedding in the back of my mind. I like the idea of wide open space, chill atmosphere and beautiful scenery.. The farm wedding would be great for Jack and I because it is so us! I already see a lot of cons however.. It's far away(Akron) we'll have to find good caters down there, and nothing is included, ie chairs, linens etc.. My mom, Liv and I (hopefully Jack if he can get off work) are all going to check it out this evening.


 So to rap this up this is what's been going on, totally have wedding brain! I'm sure I will be turning this blog over to wedding issues for the next couple months.. I will try to recap and mention other goings on in the Trio world. Liv starts swim lessons and camp, I have a 10k this sunday, and we're all planning our first road trip of the summer!  But because I don't want to overwhelm my friends with wedding talk, I may just want  to work out my thoughts here.

Peace!

Engaged!

  April 26th, 2010. Jack and I headed to horseshoe lake for an evening stroll.. It's a beautiful pond and all the the trees and flowers were in bloom. We sat in a remote area that overlooked the pond and watched Blue herrian fly across the pond.  The sun was going down and the north star was shinning bright. My emotions were calm and I felt at ease with him. This man whom I've been in love since the first time I saw him..

 Jack got down on one knee, took my hand and proposed..
(Here I debated telling what he said..but decided against it because the words spoken were dear to me.)

 So now I have a ring on my finger and the immediate excitement of sharing emotions with friends and family. I look forward to this time, to being excited of having a Finacee and gathering ideas for wedding plans. I also look forward to the sharing this time with my family, who have been my life line!

 I also want to take this time, to prepare my heart for marriage. I pray that we have a marriage built on honesty, communication, compromise, care and love. I would like us to learn from each other and support one another. I hope that instead of just getting caught up in wedding plans, we take this time to learn how to begin our marriage with a healthy start.

  Getting engaged to the man of my dreams and becoming a mother, are the two most pivatol moments in my life! I look forward to making many memories with Jack, building a life with him, honoring him, and keeping our bond strong forever..

Livapollooza '10

 Just a few pictures from Liv's 4th Birthday!

Split Personality...

  Kate is single mom, tired, and trying to finish her degree in Social Work. She loves food! Local food, fast food, homemade anything! Loves late night movies, sleeping in until 8(parking herself and Liv in front of the t.v for an hour or two), reading, and believeing that "laziness," isn't a bad thing, just a basic need for a slower pace!

 Kaitie, is a care free twenty-something. She loves conquering that extra mile, rocks out to Lady Gaga, Bon Jovi, and Black Eyed Peas on her Mp3 player. She goes to bed between 9-10pm, loves fruit smoothies, and salads. She gets up at 6am for either running or kickboxing class, and takes the stairs instead of elavator at school..

 These two are both having inner- turmoil right now. So far Kaitie could be restrained when needed. The alarm would go off and Kate could reassure Kaitie that a run would happen(at some point) and kickboxing the day before required a lot of energy and it would be best to sleep the extra hour. Kate could convince Kaitie that it would be okay to partake in a slice of cake, because it wasn't a big slice and we had a little leway with our weight because we reached our second goal before we had to.. Kaitie knows that the main goal is to loose ten pounds a month. She knows this isn't unreasonable because it's been achieved so far since January 4th! Kaitie is getting fed-up with Kate and is starting to make a big stink!

 So this morning, she supressed Kate's voice and convinced all of us to get out of bed and go for a 3 mile run. She followed the run with cereal and coffee(which Kate refused to give up!) and has since calmed down about all this. She will speak her mind come lunch and snack time this afternoon.

 I don't think the two will come to common ground anytime..I'm not sure they will be friends until the ultimate goal of 140lbs is achieved. Maybe Kate will win a couple more times, or Kaitie will start taking drastic measures to keep us all on board and not give up. Maybe the three of us will get a long...For right now I need both of them and don't like being caught inbetween, I don't like taking sides..

Things to Look Forward to!

 This semester is dragging on and I want nothing more than for it to be over! So to help me get through I thought I would give a quick list of things I'm looking forward to:

1. Columbus Trip- to see my brother play Lacrosse at OSU!

2. 10k- six mile run for the Rite Aid marathon

3. Belly Dancing lessons! Finally!

4. Buying a bikini-yea it's going to happen

5. Liv turning 4!

6. Vacation somewhere!

Before and After

I started my diet January 4th 2010. It is now March 1 and I have lost 23lbs! I'm completely detemined to stick with it inspite of minor set backs, (buffet and Jack's birthday dinner!) My goal is to reach 140lbs by May! It's been rough especially when you're like me and you love Cleveland Food! I'm trying though and seeing results as finally motivated me to this! I'm calling it the "Put down the fork diet!"

JumpBack Ball makes Cleveland Awesome!

Yeah, Yeah, so I haven't written in a very long time... I know.. I know you feel like you're missing out on parts of my life, but I know eventually you'll get caught up. I know eventually I will too! For now, please enjoy the photos from JumpBack Ball! My dear friend Alys invited me to this year's Playhouse Square's fundraiser. I had a very memerable, fantastic time! I hope Alys did too! A buffet of awesome food (courtesy of Zack Bruell owner of L'Albatros!) open bar all night, and hours of excitment and dancing! My feet hurt by the end of the night, but it was great time! I have since decided to go every year!