Say Yes to the Dress..

  Cheesy I know... sometimes I think weddings are cheesy. I have fought hard to secure a non-cheesy wedding. We eliminated the unity candle, the sit down dinner, the big church, the traditional hall, the tuxedos, the gigantic wedding party, and most importantly..the Dress!
The one area I never thought I would care about or relate to other brides on is that one little detail...So let's see how far back do I want to go with this story? Back to when I would draw my wedding dress with my best friend Rachael? How it use to involve fairy wings? No maybe not that far..

 I bought my wedding dress back  in May. Jack and I were engaged and I was beyond excited. What Bride isn't? Finding the dress seemed like something that for me personally would seal the deal. Make the wedding more official, besides my beautiful ring, knowing what dress I would wear in my mind would make the wedding more tangible. So not to say that the vibe was wrong when I bought the dress, just as I look back on it I do have to ask myself what were my intentions? Desire for a dress, desire to imagine myself as a bride, which let's be honest I still have a hard time picturing.

  I did spend some time pondering dresses. I always had the mindset that it is NOT about the dress. I never wanted lace, sparkle, taffeta, corsets, guarder belts, haring bone, or straps. To me most brides look like wedding cakes. They look like an expectation at the alter..how they think they should look not who they actually are. People tell them "Oh he will just love this dress," but I always wonder why should he care? Will he remember the dress? Can't he just remember you? Yes you (the bride) should feel special, this is a special occasion, but I never wanted to loose myself.

  The dress process was to me a combination of two things;  simplicity a rebellion against wedding cake dresses, and tradition why exactly we get married in the first place. The dress I chose met those needs. It was purchased with a clear conscience and taken home where it remained in my closet until my first fitting on December 18th..

 From time to time I pulled the dress out of my closet and tried it on, always feeling I made the right decision. Yes the dress was a little big, I did loose another 30 pounds since May, but that was what the first fitting was for working all that out. Making sure this dress showed off who I was on the day our wedding..

 How exciting to lay all my fears to rest. The dress would finally fit and  a bustle would be chosen so I could walk in it..I got dressed and came out for Lisa (official seamstress and integral part of this story) to start taking measurements. The first words out her mouth were "Oh this dress is way to big for you honey." Mind you I purchased a size 12 hoping it could be altered into a size 10..I tried on a size 10 at one point, but thought it was a little tight..little did I know!

 So Lisa suggested I try on the size 10 and ran to get the dress. The size 10 didn't fit too BIG!! Lisa then suggests a size 8..whoa Lisa I can't even fathom a size 8! Lisa assured me that the size 8 is what I needed, but there maybe a chance my dress wasn't in stock in the 8 and I may have to try on another dress just to make sure. Lisa came back with the size 8 random other dress. I slipped it on and with a little help from Lisa with the zipper..it fit!

 Let me try to describe the next chain of events with as much emotional detail as I can.. I was in the dressing stall trying on the size 8, and I was coming out into the main dressing area for my mom and Liv to see the dress, everything was a little blurry. I was already overwhelmed that I fit a size 8 and there was a chance I would have to wait for my dress to be shipped in that size, but more importantly I really looked good in this new dress.. I looked actually freaking amazing in this dress!! Not only did I notice it, but my mother did as well. I believe she was the one who actually said out loud "I really like that dress." Lisa and my mother immediately saw my glow which took a couple minutes for me to notice. Lisa then told us that if we wanted to explore more size 8 dresses that she would grab a bridal consultant and we could start looking. Wait what?! I'm looking at other dresses? Wasn't I here for the fitting of the dress I was walking down the isle in? What did it for me, was when my mother said "I thought you would've bought something with lace," the whole mother/ daughter moments of this process had been lost with the original dress. I was so adamant about avoiding dresses that I avoided the involvement of my mother. Granted my mother is very good about giving me space in my decisions and would never insist on anything I should wear. But her opinion does mean a lot to me and my heart immediately melted when I saw her get excited about the possibility of a different dress.

 So off to the main bridal floor we went. Trying on size 8 dresses. The new bridal consultant (I don't remember her name because I was in a fog) came to my aid trying to find me new dresses. Most of them weren't better then the one I bought, and one was great, but the price tag wasn't. Finally a completely different dress was presented. The tag was right  and it was beautiful. I looked beautiful in it. My mother loved it! But.. I'm standing there and it started to settle in. I was a wedding cake. I was wearing a dress that became an expectation, and slowly starring at the mirror I lost myself. The pressure started to come down on me, but a little voice in my head was able to scream loud enough to say "Try on the dress that started all this..try on the size 8!!"  I asked my mom if I could try on the original dress that started this whole thing. I put it on and the glow came back. Yes this was completely different then what was going on in May, which was hard for me to let go. But there I found myself again. The bridal consultant said "This is the first time I heard you say I love this dress." I didn't even know the words came out of mouth, but they did. The one thing I missed out on the first time was happening, I had a tingling in my toes, I felt special, beautiful and myself all at the same time.

 I exchanged the first dress, for the size 8! I got rid of the dress that was a rebellion on brides and bought a dress that represented me on my wedding day. It's not that I don't like the dress I bought originally..but this dress represents me more. It represents everything I stand for in my daily life; thinking outside the box, letting go of expectations, but keeping what I hold sacred in my heart on my wedding day. Plus let's it admit it, I love that I shocked everyone even myself, by buying something else!

 The size 8 needs no alterations. Maybe a steam press before the big day, but that's it. The best part is no one knows what the new dress looks like. Nobody knows what I am going to look like except my mom, Liv and me. I love having that secret between us, and I'm grateful I had the chance to have two completely different experiences looking for a dress. I don't regret what I did in May, just what I did on my birthday was special in its own way..

 So now I can breathe. While I'm not there yet with feeling like a bride. I do however feel like I'm holding true to my original intentions of this wedding. Meaningful, elegant, fun, and a display of two people who love each committing to each other whole hearted...as is!!

Happy Birthday to Me!! Abbreviated version..

  This is the abbreviated version of my birthday. More details to follow.. promise!!

When I woke up I knew it was going to be a good day.. To start I did my morning weigh in (obsessive weird moment for another time) and noticed that I meant another little goal. When I renewed my driver's license, I stretched the truth a little.. and kept my weight the same. It wasn't a far fetched idea and I decided that by my birthday I would reach that goal. Well even though it didn't last long (I was that weight pre-brunch and birthday dinner) I did in fact reach my goal! Happy Birthday to the Goddess!!

 Liv picked out an awesome Christmas pin for my coat, I received some awesome housewares for the Trio's new pad, Apples to Apples (official Holiday favorite) and...a new coach wallet courtesy of my main squeeze!   Jack and my two friends took me to Fahrenheit for dinner. Great food, tasty drinks, and fantastic services! A definite recommendation for a great date night meal :) After dinner we joined in a Christmas party and then headed home. A fantastic time was had by all.

Holidays A Go-Go: The Advant

  Last year I decided to do the Advent with Liv. It didn't go as well as I anticipated, mainly because Liv wasn't ready. This year my mother bought us an Advent calendar and we decided to give it another go. So far it has been a lot of fun! Liv is totally into Christmas and the wonderful activities it includes. While we haven't exactly tackled everything on the day it was suppose to happen, or even accomplished everything. We remained enthusiastic this whole month. Having the calendar allowed us to stay mindful of the meaning of Christmas, explaining to Olivia why we celebrate and that it is not all about presents..

  I have definitely committed myself to making memories with my children. I hope that she won't remember what she got on the day of, but what she received leading up to Christmas and the traditions she was a part of.

Ecological Blog..

 

I did become disillusioned with my old blog. I think mainly because it didn't really have a purpose. I was too busy trying to document everything going in my life that I kind of felt like it was a hodgepodge of all kinds of things and I couldn't keep track. However the original purpose of writing a blog was to create an outlet for me to process things going on in my life. So with that I decided to have another go at this thing. First I'm going to offer my mission statement and present a whole new framework for this thing..

 Mission Statement

Social Ecological Perspective, is a framework to examine the multiple effects and interrelatedness of social elements in an environment.  Provides a theoretical framework to analyze various contexts in multiple types of research and in conflict communication. Social ecology is the study of people in an environment and the influences on one another. This model allows for the integration of multiple levels and contexts to establish the big picture in conflict communication. Research that focuses on any one level underestimates the effects of other contexts. SEM is primarily a qualitative research model to conduct field observations; however, it has and can also be utilized in experimental settings.


 Always a social worker..Social ecological model is the framework for this blog!  This is my opportunity to talk about how I interact with my environment. My outlet to discuss feelings, opinions, and reactions. My intention will only be to discuss how different situations, people, and places effect me. I will not present this blog as a forum for gossip and criticism. My writing is my journal, my chance to share with you all my life.

  The reason I chose a new title is because I didn't want to talk about Jack and Liv anymore. I no longer desired to run through everyone else opinions and life. I've heard that blogs tend to be narcissistic anyways..so why not just make it about me. Of course the Trio is still important and of course I will be talk about becoming a wife, being a mother, and how we all come together, but as I said in the mission statement, it will be all about how I interact with my environment.

  So here we go! Thanks for reading :)

Holiday Pictures!